Hold On, I Ain’t Done Yet; Neither Is Mom

Not by a long shot.  2011 was an amazing year.  A lot of excitement.  New things.  New friends.  Catching up with friends you hadn’t seen in a while.  Enjoying quiet and not so quiet moments with those around you.

The last few weeks of 2011 were quite busy.  Christmas, and all of the activities that normally come with it took up a fair amount of time.  Add to that work.  Taking care of Mom and the things you hadn’t planned.  Out of town visitor (Brocksie, you are welcome any time).  It got a little Krazy up in here…

And that is why it has been a while since I posted on my blog.  Been busy.  Bad excuse, I know.

It’s a bad excuse, because I enjoy this so much.  It really is a bit of a relief, helps me deal with stress, an outlet of sorts…and it is rewarding too.  So to say “I’ve had a lot going on…” is pretty lame.  We all have a lot going on.  Instead, I think I will just write…

I mentioned “Taking care of Mom and the things you hadn’t planned” as something that took up time.  Not complaining, mind you.  Just a fact.  Mom fell mid-October…broke her leg at the hip joint…worked hard and has recovered well.  She is now in an independent living facility and if I said she is thriving, it would not emphasize how well she is actually doing.  We haven’t seen her this lively well, since Dad passed…10 years ago.  She is eating better, taking her medicine and has become a social beast.  She goes down to the dining area, just to see what is going on…they call her and ask if she wants to help stuff envelopes…if there is a “musical guest” playing the guitar or piano, or a vocalist, she is in the front row…art and crafts…BINGO…and scenic drives in the afternoon…all before Happy Hour.  Yep, that’s right.  They have Happy Hour every day 4:00 to 5:00, and Mom goes, has a little bourbon, then goes down to dinner.

“I enjoy life…” – Mom

She is having a blast…and she knows it.  She will tell you as much.  Then she will add, “I do miss my house and I can’t wait to go home”…

Ooops.  And there is the problem.  She won’t be going home.  She can’t.  We just do not think it is the best thing for her.  She won’t be able to drive, so she will be at the house all day by herself…bored…lonely…depressed.  Additionally, we are concerned about her memory loss, her ability to maneuver the staircase, cooking for herself (which she did not do much before and now she eats in the dining room with others…even if it is more of a social scene…who cares? She is eating again.)

“We’ve had some good times haven’t we? 

These are good times too, aren’t they?”          -Mom

Good news…Bad news.

Good news…After we speak with Mom about her staying at The Villas at Chesterfield, and not going home, she pretty much forgets about it within minutes.  The next time you talk, she doesn’t seem to have a clue that you told her she is not going back to her home.

Bad news…You have to do it all over again…and again…and again.  And to be frank, it is a freakin’ Bi**h each time over and over again.  Emotions run high.  Tears are at the ready to drop and roll down cheeks.  Long pauses of silence and stares into space.  And you tell her again why she can’t, no, you tell her why we think it is best if she does not go home.  You try to be rational, and then when you least suspect it…she becomes rational and has a legit argument or question about why she thinks she can go home…sigh…ARRGH!

It is draining.  Emotionally.  Takes it’s toll on all of us.  Tugs at your heart for many different reasons.

 But, I am glad I am able to do it.  Glad I am in town to help her.  See her.  Listen to her. Repeat myself.  And, every now and then, go to Happy Hour with her.  (I was seriously shocked when, not only did Mom order a bourbon and water, but the “bartender” told me, “yeah, that is what she always drinks!!”)

 “I have fun.  I have a good time.  I think we are supposed to, don’t you?”  – Mom

Yes, I do Mom.  We are responsible for our own fun, and our life.

It’ll work out.  She will bounce back.  She’ll miss her pool, and so will I.  But it is the best thing.  The right thing to do for her.

I recently told Mom that she and Dad taught me that it isn’t always easy to do the right thing, sometimes it takes a little courage.  This is the right thing to do…for Mom.

And she is having a blast…I just hope she remembers the great time she is having.

I recently ran across a piece of paper in one of Mom’s bibles.  She had written on it a little saying.  I sincerely doubt if Mom has written something like this often in her life.  She just doesn’t seem like the type to write something down on a piece of paper and stick it somewhere…for posterity.  So this must have meant “something special” to her.  It reads:

“To live your life in your own way. 

To reach for the goals you have set for yourself. 

To be the You that you want. 

To be that, is Success”

Well, what can I say? 

It looks like Mom is doing that.  Living life her way.  Being who she wants.

…and giving us heaven and hell…concern and laughter…love and tears…smiles and wonderful memories every step of the way.

Thanks Mom.

Yeah, that is Success.

Published in: on January 24, 2012 at 9:42 pm  Comments (2)  
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2 CommentsLeave a comment

  1. Well said.


  2. Great blog, John!


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